I'm feeling.... Confident.

Probably not the kind of confident you are thinking, though I am feeling that, too. But I'm feeling confident in a way that is hard to describe. I feel like for 7 years my spiritual, emotional, and just overall progression halted, or slowed greatly, and now that that cloud is lifted, I feel like I have just grown by leaps and bounds. I don't feel held back or stifled anymore, and it is wonderful!
I feel confident that I am doing the best I can, every day, and while there is always room for improvement, I am improving, every day. I feel confident that my best is good enough, and when better is needed I will be able to do that, too. I feel like my Heavenly Father is pleased with my efforts, wants me to strive to do better and correct my many mistakes daily, but He knows that I am doing my best and I will get better. I feel confident that He has a plan for me, and though it seems like a lot of things may be a long way off, they will come, and I will be happy with the way my life goes. I feel confident that I will be able to handle whatever comes my way in the future, because He is preparing me for those things, and I am working hard to be ready. After all, if you are prepared, you shall not fear.
I feel like letting go of the things you can't control is the answer. This is me, letting go, and it feels good. I am only in control of myself, my actions, my thoughts, my feelings. That is what I will focus on.
Wow, I just realized it has been almost a year since I posted last. I will try to be more regular so I can keep up, sometimes it seems like too many things happen to catch up if you don't keep up with it! But anyhow, life is good, I am happy, albeit a little bored, but BRING IT ON! I'M READY!!!

La Vita e Bela

Life is beautiful! I feel like such a slacker lately! Seriously, we've been so busy, I have barely been able to keep my head above water. But I am loving every minute of it! I feel like my last post was SOOOO negative, that I need to make this one super positive so I don't force anyone to put a bullet in their brain! I had a lot of drama going on for a while, and while still ever-present, the drama is winding down. And I could not be happier. (well, maybe a little, but I will save that for later...) ;)
I am back in my house which adds a little bit of stress to my life, but it's mostly good stress. I love my house. My kiddos are so happy to see their toys that have been in storage for a year! You should see them run around the house. It does my heart good to be at home with them, and get them settled. We have been in limbo for waaaayyy too long, and now we are finally settling back into "normal", whatever that means. ;)
I am having a ton of fun, being me, relearning what that means and who I am. I have a new found hope, and belief that there are good people out there. I am learning to trust, and building friendships and just enjoying life in general!
I am learning that what I am doing is extremely hard, but I can do it. I can do hard things with a little help from You Know Who. Every day I fail a little, but I also succeed a little. I have days where I feel like I can't do it, but then I just do. And I keep on doing. I am tired, a lot. But I also smile and laugh like I haven't in years.
Thank you to all the amazing friends and family who have supported me and listened and loved me through all of this. I know I could not have done it on my own. I have never felt more loved, just knowing that I had people I could trust who were there when/if I needed them. Even if I didn't always rely on anyone, it is a tremendous comfort to know that safety net is there to catch you if you fall.
I will probably fall on my face a million more times, but I will smile and get back up and learn from it.
So I guess this is me, officially re-joining the blogging world. I guess I felt like I didn't have all the normal happy stuff to post, so I only posted when I needed to vent. But hopefully now I will be able to post the cute, funny, sweet things my kids say and do, and the fun times we have.

What the HELLLL!!!???

Excuse my language. But seriously. I just got some news about someone I love that broke my heart. I feel like hell is just right here, on this earth with us. WHY do we let things into our lives that will hurt us, and those we love??? Why do we do it? It's not like those things actually bring us any happiness, even hardly momentarilly! They add to our misery. Why do we put things ahead of our spouses, children, family and true friends? We know they will hurt us in the end, and we still do it. I am terrified for my children. I am so discouraged that there isn't any chance that they will be able to make it through this life and be happy, confident, good, honest, caring, compassionate human beings. Satan is right here with us, and I am freaking pissed at him! There is an epidemic of selfishness right now, and I am not saying at all in any way that I do not suffer from selfishness, but what is with people??? All we have to do is treat others with kindness and respect and try to put their needs before our own. If we all did this, then WE WOULD ALL BE HAPPY!!! Imagine that!?
Why do we think money, worldly possessions and power will make us happy. The only thing that will bring us true joy is our relationships with the people we love. If we know this, then why do we place such importance on the other things?
Venting, sorry if you are reading this and I ruined your day/night.
I am ANGRY, sad, heartbroken, scared, and feeling so helpless right now. How do we stop this???
Wow, this not pretending everything is perfect is really nice. I can just act psycho for a little bit, let it out and feel better :)

Blogworthy? I think so...

I love this boy. I am not quite sure if I should worry about the girly stuff he likes to get into, or if it is just because he sees Ava liking it. Some days as a single mom are really overwhelming, and I am just not sure if I can do this. Then they do something cute, and I am so glad I am their MOMMY!